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BJR

BJR – NC-17 – (2 thumbs down)

I must admit I’m not a fan of Cincoflex and her work (partly because smut most certainly is not my favourite ‘genre’). I was able to tolerate Tempered (to a point) and I closed Red Shadow as soon as I got to the third paragraph. So when I found out she had a new fiction out, entitled BJR, I wasn’t overly excited, but I was willing to give it a chance. Biggest mistake ever.

If the title wasn’t bad enough (three letters and no hint as to what they mean at the beginning? Puh-leeze) the story is worse. The idea is that House is a lipstick fetishist (yes, they do exist. I never thought anyone could find anything remotely sexy about lipstick) who is standing in front of Cuddy’s office watching her apply lipstick is laughable. Can anyone else here imagine him going koo-koo for lipstick?

Needless to say I was more than a little confused so I grabbed the House season two DVD set and proceeded to watch nearly every episode on it to confirm my suspicions that Cuddy’s office was near the clinic/lobby. At least I’m pretty sure it is, I’m not amazing at navigation so it’s 98% “yeah I’m sure” and 2% “er, it’s just a guess”. But one thing I am sure of, Cuddy’s office is situated in a very public place.

Anyhow, back to the story: House is a lipstick fetishist who is watching Cuddy apply lipstick (in her office!) while getting a little frisky. Even the least experienced Peeping Tom will tell you that it’s better to keep your peeping confined to a not-so-public place. Like the tree outside of your one and only bedroom window or under his/her bed. Why is House standing in such a public place, spying on his boss and sporting a woody? I can suspend reality for a story, but this seems to be a bit much.

House isn’t the only one acting OOC in this story. Cuddy is seemingly okay with his little stint into voyeurism and the author hints at a more intimate relationship, but never follows through. I don’t know about the rest of you but if someone, known for being a jerk, was standing outside of a room with me in it and sporting a woody I’d probably yell, scream or call the police. I think it’s safe to say that in this Houseverse the two main characters are together and share an affection for lipstick.

The writing, while passable, wasn’t the best I’ve seen. It most certainly wasn’t the worst. My main concern was the fact that the author flip-flops between a preference for action vs. dialog. Half the time we’re left to our own imaginations as to what the character is thinking and or feeling and the other half we’re wondering how they got from point A to point B. Overall I was displeased by the loose ends and the lack of characterization. House and Cuddy barely resembled the characters I know and love on the show and I had to question exactly who the author was writing about because it couldn’t have been House and Cuddy.

Don’t bother with this story if you’re like me and prefer things that are PG-R. Oh and don’t bother with it if you enjoy well written stories of any kind, because you won’t find one from Cincoflex.