The best (or rather worst) of Craftster.org
I’m a snooty crafter and I’m usually embarrassed to admit in public that I knit and crochet. Why? The general assumption is that crafters are fat, untalented women who have nothing better to do than knit toilet paper cozies for their family and friends. This is not true! Not every crafter makes horrible things that should be killed with fire. Before reading on please understand that the following may shock you, I’d recommend you don’t eat before you click the links.
Skinny Jeans – The fat section of craftster.org never fails to amuse me because most of the creations in there are hideous and the people that make them are fooling themselves. This poor, unfortunate soul is no exception. Honey, there’s a reason they call them skinny jeans: YOU HAVE TO BE SKINNY TO WEAR THEM. Well no you don’t, but it’s best if you are skinny when you wear skinny jeans because, as the name implies, they look best on slim, boyish figures. See your love handles jutting out? The camel toe? That’s not flattering.
Vintage Summer Dress – It’s dumpy and shapeless. The only thing that this dress would flatter is a bunch of potatoes. If you’re going to do retro then you need to pay attention to the tailoring. Fit it to your body and use proper shaping, otherwise you’re going to look like shit.
stenciled and reconned M*A*S*H shirt – What an insult to one of my favourite shows. What’s up with the neckline? Why stencil those things in those colours on that fabric? It’s all around bad and a perfect example of why t-shirt recons never work.
Flirty skirt and LB’s Matinee Swing Jacket – Oh no you just didn’t cut a hole in your grandmothers best tablecloth. You should be ashamed of yourself, now get a crochet hook and fix the mess you made. Never, ever crochet skirts that look like tableclothes. In fact, most of the time crocheted clothing looks like shit because the stitches in crochet aren’t very attractive. As for the jacket, well the jacket looks homemade and homemade shouldn’t look homemade. It should look handmade.
FAT GIRL HALTER 2 – Speaking as a fellow buxom woman let me say I feel your pain. We all want to wear flirty tops with no backs or thin straps, it’s natural to feel those urges. But to act on them? I don’t think there’s a worse thing you could do. If you have large breasts then you need to wear a bra. Is that a rule? If it isn’t then it should be. Fat and or buxom girls need a lot of extra support. Plus don’t recon t-shirts, they look like such shit.
Big Girls Need Love Too – Ah the t-shirt recon Queen herself. Clingy fabrics on a hefty girl are usually a big no no. Never wear them, don’t even touch them and back away from the t-shirt slowly, ma’am.
My version of the mu-mu – I actually have a few similar articles of clothing. Of course mine are better made, with better fabric and I wear them when I sleep (I have no intention of being caught outside in them). Why in the world would you wear a mumu out in public? Yeah I get that they’re comfortable and nice and airy, but in public? C’mon now, public!?
My first Convertible dress – Too tight, too tight, too damn tight. She’s muffin-topping all over the place and what isn’t muffin-topping is trying to force it’s way through the fabric by using the Q button (Mighty Foot Engaged. A li’l Duke Nukem reference if you don’t know what I’m talking about). The only saving grace is that she appears to be wearing a bra underneath. Thank god for small favors.
My shiteous blue boots – The first thing that comes to mind is: C is for cookie, that’s good enough for me. Oh C is for cookie, that’s good enough for meeeee. Oh cookie, cookie, cookie starts with C. Oh Cookie Monster how I love you.
Santa Helmet Ho Ho Ho! – It’s a novelty for sure, but I actually know people who would wear this in all seriousness because it looks that good to them. I’m losing faith in humanity here, people.
McQueen cable coat knock off – That is bulky, shapeless and then bulky some more. Why would anyone want to wear let alone make that?
First Crochet Post for an ADD crocheter – I’ve seen some cute old timey slipper patterns in my mothers collection of antique pattern books. But they weren’t made from pukelicious rainbow yarn and they had shaping.
I made a robin * NOW WITH PATTERN – I just had to post it because I think it’s cute and fuzzy. And cute. Then some more cute. And finally fuzzy.
The moral of this story is to choose your yarn and fabrics carefully. Poor fitting can only be blamed on you if you’ve been sewing for more than a few days and shaping is needed for everything but garbage bags and potato sacks. Craft wisely my friend, craft wisely.
Tags: crafting, craftster, rant
Did you do something with your design? I think the site looks a bit different now than a few days ago. I like the design very much! Cheers.
I like working with my hand although I rarely knit anything. I should also say that not everything I do looks too good. I have made a Ukulele though which turned out very well. I hope you continue to be creative.
I like the Santa helmet…
No time for me to look through all those links at the moment, but I’m sure they’re all lolsworthy. I’ve always been amazed by all the positive feedback to EVERYTHING constructed there… even really ugly stuff. Still, I guess that’s nice.
I also recommend the sites What Not to Crochet and What Not to Knit For some occasional hilarity.
I crochet and knit too! :D
I crochet, too!! I didn’t know anyone else in this extended circle did, very cool. I want to learn how to knit… for the simple reason that I want to make Hogwarts scarves. It’s just not the same crocheted.
And I am completely with you on the heavy girl / skinny jeans thing. I think skinny jeans make you look like you have duck feet, anyway, unless you wear them with boots. Down south, you can do that.
The vintage summer dress is cute and would look great with a belt to cinch it in and give it shape.
The crochet skirt isn’t that badly made and it is very pretty but I wouldn’t ever wear it, and cutting the tablecloth – that’s bad as a tablecloth can be passed down, a skirt can’t.
Aw I like Tshirt Queens shirt re-cons. Granted they don’t look fab on her, they are still great designs and cuts and I would wear some of those.
Mumu equals fug!
The little robbins are adorable.
Hmm I just spent half this comment disagreeing with you.
Ps. Love the layout.
Oooh! New Christmasy layout. Good for you. I never make such layouts because I’m too lazy to change them in 2 months’ time :P
The only thing I don’t like is the “copyright to Becky”. It’s oddly positioned. Also, on the main page, the links are quite a bit lower then the last posts above it… and um… it looks weird :P
Now on to the crochet stuff: I LIKE the robins. I mean for toys. Yeah… I learned my lesson: no poo-colored thing is good for decoration.
The convertible dress: OM MY GAWD! Please excuse me, I’m going to puke!
The boots are fuzzy, I want to touch them. But no way in HELL would you catch me wearing them.
I like the shape of the skirt, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to wear a tablecloth: most especially not granny’s old handmade one. Naughty me! The sweater… ugh! I wouldn’t have dressed my dolls in such things, when I used to play with them.. let alone myself.
What’s with those people though?? All ooh-ing and aah-ing over those hideous clothes? Are their self esteems that low? Or did their aesthetic senses commit suicide?
After the first link, I was scared to look at anything else. Some of these clothes are just disastrous. I don’t know the first thing about crocheting or knitting or sewing or whatever, but I think I could tear up one of my own t-shirts and a pair of jeans and make it look nicer than some of that crap.
The mu-mu definitely takes the cake. Looks like she tore some fabric off of an old quilt.
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Hi I'm Becky, often referred to as The Knitting Hillbilly and Pussybear, owner of this site and general nuisance. I'm a knitter, serial complainer, known whistle blower and I run the ever popular
I’m quite impressed by the girl who made the McQueen coat. I don’t think I’d actually wear it but you have to admire the dedication it took to get it finished. :P
#1 Amber Nov 30, 07:08 Permalink