Dear Harry Potter Freaks, Jul 19, 22:37
I hate you. I hate you so much I dream of hurling myself off a cliff just to avoid having to hear another word from a Potter-obsessed friend (what I probably shouldn’t mention is that I always insert a trampoline at the last minute and jump up and down either until I wake up or spot Spike, he’s always in my dreams). But back to the HPF’s: You suck. You suck so bad yo momma’s black hole is embarrassed that it can’t keep up with you.
Now please Potter fans who aren’t freaks, I am not directing this at you. I am directing this towards the people who claim to be dying when they smell the faintest whiff of a spoiler. People who dress up like Harry Potter (particularly when they’re well past middle age) and most especially those who hail it as being great literature. I am no wordsmith, as I am sure you all know very well, but J. K. Rowling takes the cake when it comes to garbage that is published and accepted by the vast majority of the public.
Before you make any split-second decisions regarding my own reading material (I assure you I am no better than you, Harry Potter lovin’ friends) I read romance novels. Yep, that’s right I read bodice rippers, lukewarm romances and if I have absolutely nothing else to read but Harry Potter, chick-lit. I love ‘em, they’re a quick and easy read that I can get through in no more than a few hours (if I stretch it). It doesn’t stop my love for great literature, it just enhances it (that isn’t to say I don’t find some romance novels well-written though). The thing is that I can accept the fact that my romance novels never have been and never will be considered excellent literature. Nor would I ever assume that someone who dislikes them is an ignorant butthead that knows nothing about passion.
The really big difference between me, my normal Harry Potter lovin’ friends and HPF’s is that HPF’s will loudly debate with you over whether or not it truly is great literature. They can’t seem to grasp the simple concept that JKR cannot write worth a fart and move on with it, I think somehow that might interfere with their enjoyment of the book, not entirely certain how it will but it most definitely will.
Harry Potter is the end all be all for some people, and because people like HPF’s are such fanboys about it JKR is a very rich woman and Harry Potter will go down in history as something grand and wonderful (now where is the praise for my own beloved romance novels?). So let me state for the record for everyone who is an HPF (my normal Harry Potter lovin’ friends, both online and off, need not read any further unless for lulz):
It is a book. Finding out a spoiler is not going to give you a heart attack nor is it going to ruin your life. If you don’t want to be spoiled then please lock yourself away from the outside world, otherwise expect to be spoiled. I understand some people don’t like spoilers, tit for tat, but in the real world spoilers don’t affect you that much. Roll yourself out from under your fantasy rock and join the rest of us in the real world.
There are two groups of people in this world: Those who sit there silently pissing themselves in a quiet rage, waiting for the moment when they will be able to unleash their magic wand- er lawyer on an unsuspecting spoiler. And then there are those who get angry and then move on with their lives. Guess which kind I’d rather meet up with in a dark alley. Now honestly, if knowing that Harry Potter becomes a real boy in the last book ruins your life then you need to take a look at your priorities and perhaps rearrange them.
I like people who can kick back, relax and laugh at something that isn’t really that good (or is). I hate people who laud something as being better than it is and obsess over it to the point I don’t want to be their friend anymore. This whole obsession with Harry Potter is more annoying than the “I don’t have big enough boobs/I’m too fat” pitiful calls I hear everyday.
Hi I'm Becky, often referred to as The Knitting Hillbilly and Pussybear, owner of this site and general nuisance. I'm a knitter, serial complainer, known whistle blower and I run the ever popular