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Dear 30-something idiots Feb 19, 20:55

and

Hi I’m that disgruntled chick standing behind you with her handful of small items, the one who is impatient and wants to get out of the store and go home. Yeah you know who I am, I’m tapping my foot and wondering how in the hell you were allowed out of the house. Now I don’t know about you, but I use the self checkout lane because I’m in a hurry. I don’t use it because it’s shiny or new, I use it because it’s quick and easy and it saves me from having to stand behind you in line while you yap to the cashier about your kids or how your husband got you 8lbs of chocolate for Valentines Day (because you really need it). You’re not old enough to use the “I’m old, excuse my behavior” excuse. I could understand it if my grandparents were in your position, they can barely turn on their computer let alone use a self checkout, but you’re 30-something and you probably at least have the internet so there is no excuse for your behavior.

I’d like to believe that the town I live in isn’t that bad, sure it’s out in the boonies and the best thing to happen to us in years is the Walmart, but hey I usually stand up for it. Why? Because I believe that not everyone in this town is a dumb hick that scrapes roadkill off the road for dinner and thinks that a 13” colour television is advanced technology. You’re making my job really, really hard. Here are a few pointers for the self checkout line:

  1. Don’t use it unless you have a somewhat decent grasp on how to use computers. I say this because you’re always standing there going, “what button do I push?” when there are two buttons that clearly say English and French. Do you speak French? No? Then choose English (even though your grasp of that language is dubious at best). It’s not rocket science.
  2. Once you’ve called the cashier over to explain to you that you speak English (no really!), don’t sit there and turn that big pack of store brand 1-ply toilet paper over and over in your hands 10 times or more! The barcode is on the back. Near the bottom. Do I need to show you a diagram? No? Good. Now scan the other 50 items in your shopping cart and let’s move on. Which brings me to my next point.
  3. If you have a shopping cart or 3 full of groceries then just go to a regular checkout. There are 3 open that haven’t got very long lines, it’s not fair to make me (someone who came in to buy a pack of freaking lightbulbs) wait while you piss around with supplies for your Y2K bunker.
  4. Once you’ve figured out that you speak English and that the barcode is usually located on the back or bottom of the product, don’t sit there and slowly, very slowly pass the product over a few times until it beeps. Then when it finally does beep for the love of god don’t stare at the screen and say, “did it go through?” The goddamn Lysol is on the handy-dandy little list located somewhere on the screen, don’t call the cashier over to explain that to you, I might have a stroke.

I like children, no really I do I even plan on popping out a few of my own bellyfruit someday (man my kids will be sweet). But is it too much to ask that if your kid is an obnoxious little brat could you please, pretty please, use the regular checkout? If you don’t then I’ll probably just sit there watching him push buttons on the screen while you’re fumbling around for your super tampons in the bottom of the cart (oh tee hee, blush). Even though it just makes the wait all that much longer because then the cashier has to come over and fix the computer that your ill-behaved little brat screwed up. Get it a leash for gods sake. Or, you know, teach it some manners because it is 7 years old and should know better by now.

If I sound pissed off I am. I’m just sick and tired of people who don’t know their ass from a hole in the ground trying to use something that they should be able to use. There are instructions on the screen, a helpful little voice is there to guide you and the buttons are large and clearly labeled. How hard can it be? Sure my first time through I was a little slow, but the more I use it the better I am at it. My father, someone who doesn’t understand what tabs in browsers are, manages to get through quicker than most of the other people using it. I don’t mind if people are a little slow or if they bring a few more items than I do in, that’s okay. It’s the obnoxious, annoying, beyond stupid people that really get to me and it seems like there are more of them than anyone else.

There should be a law.

in-real-life, stupidity

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