Craftster Crap Part 5
Welcome to the second annual Craftster Crap! There are a two adorable little girls in equally as adorable outfits, a Trailer Park Queen complete with showing bra straps and a backless, too small top, two retro dress fails and a gorgeous craft room that I’ve been drooling over for a while now. I hope you enjoy it.
No Knit Scarf!
I understand that not everyone possesses the talent to create beautiful knitted or sewn scarves and that’s okay. I also understand that not everyone can make crappy crochet scarves and that’s okay too. But just because you lack the know-how to create something doesn’t mean that you should just give up and start randomly knotting together lengths of wool. I’ve seen this scarf before and some of them actually look fairly decent, this is not one of those scarves.
No matter how delusional you are, it’s not okay to walk around looking like you shaved Bigfoot’s ass and draped it around your neck, even if you’re really, really cold. Learn how to knit, it’s fun and easy to do. Don’t want to? Sew. Can’t be bothered? Crochet, it’s one stitch over and over and over again (the only thing that changes is the amount of times you loop the working yarn around the hook, if at all). Still can’t do that? Fine, but don’t expect me not to laugh at you should I chance upon you in the street. You’ve been warned.
And $50 my ass.
Wrinkle Skirt with bow in back
There’s this trend I hate, I guess it’s been around as long as there have been lazy people who don’t care how they look (so, like, forever), it’s called: The Half-Assed Look. You take anything you want, half-ass the construction, don’t spend a lot of time thinking about it and don’t use a pattern (especially if you’re an amateur) and this is what you get: The Wrinkle Skirt. I can’t even begin to fathom why anyone would want to walk around looking like they just rolled out of bed, or like a dirty hippie. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen the wrinkle look before and if it’s done properly it’s not too bad, but this? This is just awful. This is what you get when you randomly pin up handfuls of fabric and call it a skirt. This makes me weep.
Checkered retro Dress =D
I may not be the most fashion conscientious person around, but I don’t think that the eighties are back in full swing. I know that some eighties fashion statements are coming back (fanny packs, jelly sandels, big shoulders), but this outfit embodies everything that was wrong with the eighties: everyone was crazy. Gold leggings (LEGGINGS?!) under a bright blue checkered dress that appears to be made out of vinyl. Let’s have a little lesson in basic fashion: you don’t wear leggings under a dress and you definitely don’t wear leggings under a dress. Especially gold ones, not that the black ones look any better.
The high neckline makes the dress look dowdy, the skinny belt is just too skinny and the fabric is the icing on this crapcake. If you’re going to go retro then go for the flattering, cute fashions and not the dowdy, schoolmarm takes a job as a stripper and doesn’t know what to wear fashions.
Altered New Look floaty top thing.
Wanna look good I’ll tell you how: first got to wear a shirt that ain’t highbrow. This is what all the classy chicks are wearing these days, sliced up shirts a size too small with purple ribbons holding it up and their bra straps showing. I bet if Coco Chanel were alive today, she’d be wearing this. Not. This look is straight out of the trailer park, no one but the cheapest, traileriest women show their bra straps off, wear clothes a size too small and recon t-shirts they should have known better than to buy.
I understand the need to wear fashionable things, it’s near impossible for me to shop off the rack because of the size of my chest vs. my waist (there’s a 10” difference), but you don’t see me slicing and dicing trying to make things “fit”. I say fit because it still looks like it’s a wee bit too tight and that’s just not flattering on anyone.
Sweet Lolita Skirts and Head bow— Cake . Cupcake . Flowers
I don’t really like the Lolita look, but to each their own and I’ve come across several well constructed costumes. Some of those women pay close attention to detail, they go out of their way to make sure that their dress, skirt, whatever is the best of the bunch and I have to respect that. This, however, is not one of those creations, this is a half-assed Lolita outfit and, well, it just sucks. Since when is a purple t-shirt (very casual, not embellished in the least) Lolita-wear? Since never! It’s not just something she threw on to take the picture, she has pictures of herself wearing it in public and a few other skirts with similar ugly t-shirts.
new dress and bolero. and bloomers, too!
The style of the dress is cute, I love halter-style tops and the sweetheart neckline is to die for. My issue lies with the “built-in choker-style necklace”, the fabric choice and the style of dress on this woman.
She’s fat and therefore she has boobs (a shocker, yes), she needs support like I need chocolate and I can see her bra straps. Remember what I said about bra straps showing being tacky up there? Yeah, still holds true for this woman. Even if she were to keep the bolero on the entire time she wears the dress, it doesn’t take away from the fact that the fabric is godawful. It’s another one of those “just because it looks retro, doesn’t mean it needs to be brought back) sort of things.
My only consolation is that, aside from the waist, it seems to fit well enough. Could’ve really done without the bloomers though. And why is she wearing trouser socks with a skirt? They’re called trouser socks for a reason, if you don’t want to wear full pantyhose buy thigh-highs, knee-highs just won’t cut it.
Hibiscus ‘dragon dress’ plus a surprise
Must refrain from mentioning the bangs and makeup. Must refrain from mentioning the bangs and makeup. Aw hell, LOOK AT THOSE BANGS AND THAT MAKEUP JOB!!! Now with that out of my system let’s look at the dress: us larger bosomed gals can really benefit from something that is more tailored to our chests, the cups of the dress look like they’re gaping open and providing a birds eye view into the dress and what bra she’s wearing (they may not be, though). I really hate these kinds of straps, they look so half-assed and slapped on just because you couldn’t find any carpet tape to hold the dress/shirt up. But I suppose it’s just the curse of the “easy” patterns that the majority of people on Craftster seem to love.
What the Hell is That Doing on Craftster!?
Blue Corseted Ballgown
I don’t love everything about this dress, but this shows that not every plus-size girl is delusional about her body (and that they don’t all do recons). The swags on the dress are too much, she should have left them off. I’m a fan of simplicity and believe what Coco said is true for embellishing garments as well, “When accessorizing, always take off the last thing you put on.” Instead of trying to make it striking through embellishment, make it striking through simplicity. This gown would have looked much better if it didn’t have so much going on, but it’s still pretty, it still fits her (I’m still in shock) and best of all it looks good on her. I’m shocked too.
too much time on my hands=Anthropologie
This is a good example of what retro clothes are supposed to look like, clean, pretty and the best of the fashions from years gone by. The fabric choice is beautiful, the garment is well constructed and best of all she knows that it doesn’t work on her body (she gifted it to a flatter friend). I know I posted a similar jacket last time, but I couldn’t resist posting this one because I love the style, I love that not everyone picks bad fabric and overall it just works.
Shoes were the inspiration AGAIN! Sunshine yellow n’ polka dots!
This little girl is so cute and so is her outfit. It’s cute, it’s bright, it’s not over the top and I’m jealous of her polka dot shoes. She’s overall one of the most adorable little girls I’ve ever seen and oh-so-very squishable (that’s a good thing, I promise).
wee dotty jacket
Another precious little girl in a beautiful jacket, it’s a bit big on her but it has to fit through a few seasons so I’m not surprised. It looks like it was bought in a store and I wouldn’t mind having a grown up version to wear!
Shiny New Craftroom in Red and Turquoise!!!
I would have never picked such a bright blue, but I’m converted now. It looks so clean and bright with the white trim, I want it.
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I freaking love that blue ballgown. I actually see myself wearing something like that, without thinking that I look like a blueberry.
WTF @ the bloomers. People still wear those?
Hi I'm Becky, often referred to as The Knitting Hillbilly and Pussybear, owner of this site and general nuisance. I'm a knitter, serial complainer, known whistle blower and I run the ever popular
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