*I'm moving over to Lunarpages hosting so until further notice all comments have been disabled. If you need to get into contact with me, please email me at rileyhater2003@gmail.com and I'll respond as soon as possible. Until everything is done I'll be posting updates on my tumblr: babblative.tumblr.com.

Black-Guitar - A Review - May 14, 04:40

I don’t do unrequested reviews that often, unless you want to count me sniping with Sarai over at Internet Police a review (well we do offer advice for bettering the websites… so maybe it could be loosely defined as a review). But I just couldn’t resist this particular website.

Before we begin I’d like to clear up a few points:

  1. I’m fat, weighing in around 175-180 depending on when I weigh myself. So referring to anything on my person as hippo is probably pretty accurate and doesn’t bother me in the least.
  2. I’m not sexually active in any way shape or form and never have been.
  3. I secretly eat puppies for breakfast and despise myself (see below).
  4. I’m a very angry and depressed person. Why else would I be online writing a blog? Just call me Emo Becky!
  5. I’m egotistical and I love myself a lot (see above)
  6. I loves the drama, what’s better than a good bit of drama in the morning?
  7. Cartman saying “Sucky sucky 4 dolla?” to a soldier was the second most lulzy thing I’ve ever seen (him being “spiked for a few hours by Leonardo DiCaprio” was better).
  8. I actually only skimmed Vera and Amanda’s lovely reviews so as to not taint my own view of your website (if either should be removed then I have copies saved to my harddrive, should anyone want to see it).
  9. I’m white. So if you need help thinking of racist things to say to me then you might find this page of interest: Uncyclopedia – White People

Black-Guitar.org – I resent being called big fella, I am a female and I wish to be treated as such. Also, it sounds a little, how shall I put this, trashy? No uncouth. Yes it sounds uncouth, like something one of my hick relatives would say.

A splash page, how original, did you come up with it all by yourself? No of course not, you were probably inspired by another crappy site (and yes I feel that your website probably is crappy based solely on my first impression, your splash page). What does your splash page do? Let’s see, it calls me a man, it sends me to your blog, affiliates, qbee and a broken link and it has an ugly font shoved on top of it. Wow, impressive. That being said it’s one of the more attractive splash pages that I’ve seen coming from the mole people’s internet design group.

Off the top of my head? Boring, too big, doesn’t work properly in Firefox 2.0 and the links, headings and regular text all looks the same. If you were going for a consistent look you’ve certainly achieved it. Too bad it’s at the expense of your visitors accessibility.

The links should be separated from normal text by more than just a help cursor, might I suggest a darker colour, an underline and or a bold font-weight? They could also use a hover colour, links are important you know.

I’m confused, perhaps it’s because I haven’t moved off the front page, but is your sites name “Soteniliene” or is it Black-Guitar? Judging by the post information your online nickname is Soteniliene, but you also state that your name is Amanda which is confusing.

I use WTF or WTF Bitca (and in lieu of that babblative) when signing up for things, but I certainly don’t bring that onto my site. Stick to one name and define it properly, meaning that you’re lacking a site title somewhere on the page and Soteniliene (or Amanda) has got to go.

The font size and text colour need adjustments. I’d suggest using a percentage (something around 76% for 11px, that way it can be resized in all browsers). I’d rather see a grey because it’s rare that oddly coloured text can be pulled off, this is one of those many cases where it isn’t. There’s simply too much blue and not enough of different colours. Try bringing in some of that green, perhaps into the links. 

h2 a {color:#333;}
body {font:76%/200% Verdana, sans-serif;color: #444;}
a {text-decoration:none;color:#7fae3f;font-weight:700;}
a:hover, a:active {color: #456F77;border-bottom:1px dotted #456F77;}

About

I see a big picture with no margin applied to it so the text is smooshed up nicely next to it. And if you’re sure we can be friends then you don’t know Emo Becky. I didn’t bother really reading it, I skimmed it and gathered that your name is Amanda, you’re 19 and you’re geeky. Great, but I don’t care. You’ve taken those useless fact lists and turned it into one big paragraph about yourself. It just doesn’t work, I’d rather see something like this:

Hey there, my name is Amanda, I’m 19 years old and I like to claim to possess a pheromone that makes those around me gain brain cells. The short of it is: I’m of average intelligence (although to hear me say it you’d think otherwise), I like to design websites, read manga, write and play video games. I don’t like arguing and thieves nor do I appreciate people insulting my intelligence (but me being so smart and all I know how to take a joke and rise above the “haterz”).

The long of it: Well you probably don’t want to hear my entire life story so I’ll spare you the pain ;)

Of course that’s just an artists rendering of what a decent about page of yours would look like. Note the way that it’s obvious “you” are joking about making people smarter (it is possible to convey a joking manner over the internet, learn how to then you can complain when people don’t “get you”).

I don’t care what you want because I’m not buying you anything and since I’m not buying you anything I don’t need a list. You are not a popular blogger, you are not well known and you don’t seem to do anything for anyone, so explain to me why I should click that link and purchase it for you. * crickets chirp * Thought so.

Friends, just damn well link them on your links page. I don’t need an explanation as to why they’re your friends, they are your friends end of, it looks to me like you’re trying to suck up to them. If I were them I probably would stop talking to you (I hate suckups, I’d rather be made fun of and teased any day).

For You

Some of your brushes aren’t that bad and on the plus side they’re displayed nicely. I particularly like brushes 09 and 10, they’re quite pretty.

The coding and colours of the two layouts you offer for free is horrible. Who in their right mind would use a layout that offers a navigation bar that has a #9C11B5 background and #3CC0FF text?

The only wallpaper you offer is ugly, it’s just a cutout on an ugly coloured background with a white stroke. I’d much rather go to deviantART and use something that’s well done.

You can’t see the practicality in listing your icons so you force your visitors to browse through a directory files? And here I thought I was lazy. Try using Icon Sort, you can use it with Wordpress or so I’m told.

The smiley’s are hard to see, perhaps try more contrast between the features and background.

The textures are just awful, even my old ones are better than that and that’s really saying something.

I’m sorry but I just can’t force myself to comment on the rest of your content, it’s all too boring and from what I gathered when I gave them a quick look, they don’t interest me.

Dearest Amanda

Disallowing comments is for n00bs and people who are scared of the response they will receive (usually because they know they’re wrong). Don’t try to convince me otherwise because I know I’m right (I’m always right).

I’ll leave off with the following, I mean it in all seriousness: You’re. Just. Jealous. Of me, of Amanda, of Vera, of everyone else’s cronies, of Hans Moleman. It doesn’t really matter who you’re jealous of, it just matters that you are. And that you’re immature, immature like I haven’t seen since Lissa tried to pwn Vera

and

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